Outer inward appearance s

I want a man to love me for who I am. Not for what I look like or how I appear to be. Even so I still want perfect skin. Puberty was not nice to me or my confidence. I know that even with acne and blemishes that I am still beautiful, yet the insecurity arises with each bump. I feel like no matter how pretty I am, people are going to focus on the newest pimple on my face that just had to appear before I plan to go out. Go figure. Even now I am in the pursuit of perfect skin. After most products have failed me, my latest attempts has led me to  microdermabrasion.  I saw results after the first treatment. Today was my second treatment. The results are definitely obvious. Still have two more to go. I will see how it looks after all four are done. So far it is worth the money and the pain.


Dream proposal

Watching tv had me thinking about how I would like to be proposed to. That’s a possible situation that changes with every mood and person I am dating. The type of ring doesn’t really matter to me. Nor does the stone. A diamond ring is new tradition in proposing. I only care about the meaning behind the ring and yes the ring should be a physical representation of our love and hopes for our future together.

Today because of what I just watched on tv. I am beginning to broaden my scope. Why should a guy propose only with a ring. Why not any other type of jewelry? I am so open to the possibilities.  I could totally get behind the idea of being proposed to with a necklace, wrist watch, or something as extravagant and impractical as a tiara. That would add so originality to the event. Now would this make an engagement ring unnecessary.  Heck no. I still want my ring. But I can be proposed to with another piece of jewelry.

Going out…

This weekend to a couple social mixers. Going to try to use some of my research. Don’t really know what kind of woman a man wants. I know what type of man that I want so I am trying my best to be the type a woman that he would want. It’s a bit oxymoronic at times but it makes for great writing too.

He is my Reflection

I was watching the K-Drama “Lie to Me.” I love the show so much. There was this old Chinese couple on their second honeymoon, and the Husband tells the male lead that his wife was his reflection. This came back to me as I conversed with my sister today. We are both single, while watching all our friends find mates and settle down. I have to say it gets a bit hard to believe that you will find that happiness. Even worse, I have to be the one that encourages everyone to find their bliss, when I have such serious doubts for myself. It’s like I know they can find it, but I never will. But while encouraging my sister, I found myself being encouraged too.

I stopped looking for a man, because I have flawed eyes. Every man that becomes the apple of my eye is the bane of my soul. I stopped putting on a false image to go out, trying to catch a man because I want a man that I can be at home with. A man that is a reflection of me. Not the person I have to be when I am out in the world. 


Texting was a novelty when it first appeared.  Now it seems the rule of the day. So getting tired of communicating through a form where I can be doing so many other things at the same time with the people I care about. I want to talk to them and hear their voices. Get a better feel of them. So no more texting. Call me if you can, text me after you’ve tries to reach me and need a response to something that can’t wait. But don’t expect me to hold an entire conversation with you through text.

Men in the way of the Wind

I think that it is very odd that majority of my close friends are male and yet I still have such a feminine way of thinking. Even more astonishing is that even with my feminine mind, I still understand nothing about the way men think. It was once explained to me by “the retired player” that women never really concern themselves with a man’s world because they never really have to travel in it. Where as men have to be aware of the women’s world so they can be better hunters. One must understand their prey. That’s a simple law in nature and even in war they say know your enemy.  Then here I am. Single. Without any viable prospects. And utterly confused.

Chatting on the phone today with one of my friends has confused me even further. He’s trying to work it out with his woman, yet he hasn’t sat down to think about exactly what it would take to do just that. When I ask him what he wants, he gives a vague “I just want it to stop hurting” can’t get anymore obvious answer. Maybe my question was a bit vague too. But that’s a question that offers many detailed possibilities.  Yet he seems like too many of my male friends that seem content to go whichever way the wind seems to blow. Then look up one day to realize they are in a place they don’t want to be in, wondering how the hell they got there in the first place.

Then this is the part that really “grinds my gears,” instead of figuring out what they truly want so they can make the proper decisions that will get them to a place they really want to be, they want to continue on vaguely without any sense of direction or purpose, then wonder why their life isn’t filled with purpose. Why do men do this? Every woman I know plans things, almost to the point of obsession.  We have plan A, B(which is a slightly different plan of A in case of weather), c, d and then there is our contingency plan. Which is probably why women like to let men come up with the plans for the first few dates, to even see if he’s even on her level in the first place(sorry, but true).

So why is it so hard for men to get down to details and planning when it comes to women and dating? Does it say something about the man or just his feelings for the woman? We know a man that wants a future with you in it will make plans, but how much detail should those plans have?

I want a man I can submit to. Which means I need to trust him. I don’t see myself following behind the lead of a man flying by the seat of his pants whichever way the wind blows. That’s cool for dating and keeping things interesting, but a love for longevity calls for more stability.