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Does your number matter?

I recently watched the movie, “What’s your number?” It was hilarious but it posed a very good question. Does you number really matter? I know when I was in college, that was definitely something I thought to be true, especially to men. Don’t get me wrong, there will always be people that are sticklers about the number of sexual partners you have had. They want you to be as pure as they imagine themselves to me. To them, I say get over it. There is only new and used. Doesn’t matter if it’s lightly used, you still are not the first person to open it and play with it. 

I get it. No one wants to feel like they are getting trash. And when so many others have seen fit to throw an item away, it begins to look like trash. No one wants to be the fool walking around town treating trash like treasure while everyone is laughing at them for treasuring trash. No one really believes the old adage that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. It’s just something to make people feel the value of things even when they no longer want it for themselves. 

But when women are thrown away after giving the most intimate and vulnerable part of ourselves to men, it’s quite easy to feel like trash. The more times that happens only intensifies that feeling. Men can only imagine how it feels because they are often the ones doing the f*cking and throwing away. Then they have the audacity to turn around and say that only a certain number of men should be able to do this to a woman before she is no longer worthy of them. Just think of this for a second. How many men will a woman have to sleep with to make her a hoe? Just one. It only takes one ass to treat her like nothing and make her feel like trash to turn her into a hoe. It becomes a mindset. A sense of worthlessness. A fear that stays with that woman. Tainting her and how she interacts with other men that enter her life. 

So does the number matter? It does when you use it as a way to determine your worth. Sadly, if that number ever goes beyond 1, your value will seriously depreciate. So you shouldn’t let it matter to you. There is only new and used in the world. Though the latter can get more specific. The used is broken into two more specified groups. Damaged and Restored.

When you start to let the numbers weigh on you and devalue you. You start to slip into the Damaged category. Simple as that. You’re damaged because you have let negativity invade you self perception. If you love and value yourself, no number, stereotype, misguided archetype or opinion will lessen you. However, when you accept and love yourself in spite of all else, it doesn’t matter that you are used because you see yourself as restored. If you’re like me and really feel yourself, you think of yourself as masterfully restored. The situations and people that played a hand in attempting to destroy you just add history, but in no way takes away from your value. You are a work of art that has endured and still maintains it’s beauty, color and courage.


6 thoughts on “Does your number matter?

  1. This is fantastic. During some of my darker days, I spent a few nights getting drunk and watching that movie. I actually had a friend whose number was far higher than mine start telling me that I was a slut. It is SO easy to let people get in your head and tell you you’re not worth it.
    It’s also such bullshit!
    Thank you for posting this, I appreciate it so much!

    • Thank you so much. I am a glad I could encourage you. Just remember that most people need to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. I may have had had sex but I haven’t had a baby. I may not be married, but I have my Ph.D. Just constant judging each other. Only criticisms that edify you are worth noting. Everything else is less about you and more about the person saying it. No one that loves you will say anything that is destructive to you.

  2. I don’t think the number should matter. The questions that should are:
    Are you pregnant?
    Do you have kids?
    Do you have an STD, HIV/AIDS?
    Who else are you currently sleeping with besides me?
    When was the last time you’ve been tested?

    I think those cover the bases.

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