QT. Quality Time. Isn’t that something that is important in every relationship? I guess it’s something that goes up and down the list of priorities as things progress. The way QT is explained is undivided attention to your partner. This definitely has moved up and down my list. Having siblings, I am definitely use to sharing the spotlight. Yet there are moments when you want to be the absolute center. Technology has also made it harder to give and receive quality time in order to build better, more understanding relationships.
I know there was a time when I was all about facebook chat, tagged and yahoo IM. There was rarely a time when someone had my absolute attention. Even when dating, I got into the habit of texting so that I could do other things while maintaining a conversation. Usually, I would be doing nothing too wicked. Just playing a video game, working, cleaning, watching tv in between texts. Though there were those occasions when I would be out with another guy. I was young, single and I definitely was not trying to give one man my undivided attention.
The time did come eventually where one guy stood out from the pack and I wanted to be his center because he was mines. I am sure I wasn’t very attentive in the beginning of our dating. When he seemed to want it to be more casual than I did, I was ready to get off the bus. He lived in a different state, I was still in college. Even though I liked him and we had become intimate, when he pulled a disappearing act and started to call less often than I liked, I wasn’t so deep that I couldn’t walk away. So when he called me a few days after my decision, I told him quite plainly that this just wasn’t going to work. I wasn’t trying to trick him into trying harder. I really just wanted him to stop calling me. I wasn’t looking for a fuck buddy and someone that lived five hours away definitely didn’t qualify if I was. His lack of attention and sporadic communication made me realize he just wasn’t that interested. And at the point I was okay with it.
He asked me what was necessary in order to keep talking to me. I told him quite simply, “Call more often. Talking on the phone every four or five days makes me think you’re just not that interested. I refuse to be the person you call for amusement when everyone else is busy.” I threw out that we must speak on the phone every day for me to think he was interested, especially since he was so far away. I have to admit that even though my response was honest, I didn’t think he would do it. He did. Sometimes I wish he had just let the issue go there instead of trying harder.
I can’t say that QT was that high on my list during this relationship, but it has been proved to me that QT is very important in any relationship. It’s to the point that even my friends that I have gotten into the habit of chatting with online I have put into more effort into calling them instead. Showing someone that you love that no matter how busy you are, you can still make time to give them your undivided attention is probably the best thing. It may not be as frequent at first, but everything improves with a little effort. I realized that you will never be able to show someone that they are important to you when you never give them your full attention or your time even when it’s not very convenient.