A conversation with my sister has caused this series of venting on men and breaking up. Well to be more exact it was a song. The song “8675309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone in fact. My sister asks me if that if I ever want to do something to get revenge on my first boyfriend by writing his name and number in a stall. I had to say nope. My first boyfriend wasn’t perfect but my feelings for him weren’t so deep that I wanted to do that. My last boyfriend however is a different story. In fact, I wanted to do that and more. Way more. I was in a rage over the fact that while it felt like the world had crumbled beneath my feet, he was somewhere living happily and sleeping in peace. I don’t know how healthy it was but it sure helped me mentally to have “make him pay” fantasies. Fantasies that would leave my mark on him. Purely for entertainment I will share a few of those fantasies with you.
1. I would go into a homosexual bar for men and leave his phone number in the men’s bathroom saying “For sex, Call Lex.” This one was funny and comical to me. It made me laugh several times of how he would react.
2. I would hand out flyers saying he had some incurable STD. It didn’t matter which. Just something that would make women run far away from him at first glance. But something like that is easily proven when wanted.
3. Let me warn you. This one was from when I was at my angriest and most spiteful moment. I wanted to not make him pay. I literally wanted to destroy him when I thought of this one. I would make up handbills saying he was a pedophile and distribute them to all the schools in the city that he lived in. Fucked up isn’t it. Well I won’t give any excuses for my thoughts. It made me feel better.
I don’t even know why human hearts want vengeance when someone has wronged us but that’s often the first place our minds go when someone has hurt us deeply. We want to pay them back tenfold. Even though us church going Christians hear all the time that Vengeance is the Lord’s, it just seems like the vengeance is fast and swift enough or severe enough. But thank God for forgiveness. I was able to move on once I forgave myself for giving my heart to someone that was so unworthy of it. Do you have any “Make ’em pay” fantasies?