Have you ever held something in your hand nonchalantly? Something that was fragile and precious but you didn’t realize it’s value until it slipped between your fingers to watch it crash to the ground and shatter into pieces? Then you think to yourself, “Why wasn’t I more careful?” Or “Why didn’t I see it’s value before?” Then you curse at yourself because the damage is so far beyond your ability to fix it, if it is even fixable. Then you have to accept the reality, that if it’s fixed, it will never be as good as it was before. Or that it will be restored to perfection by someone else for someone else. It seems that people handle ourselves, each other and our relationships so casually until something is broken and lose that person completely. I haven’t done that to others but I have allowed important aspects of myself to be seemingly shattered beyond repair.
That feeling of brokenness is different from the emptiness or “something’s missing” that most people tend to walk around with. The emptiness inside those people is the unawareness of themselves that they will find once they start to look. I am talking about someone who knew exactly who they were but something traumatic happens and the feeling of being broken overwhelms them. Walking around in pain daily, at a complete loss of how to even begin fixing what was broken inside you. The thought of “Damage Done” is a constant in your head as you reminisce about the awesome you of the past and think to yourself there is no going back there. Thinking that life, circumstances and your own carelessness has forced you to be someone you never thought you could be or ever wanted to be, has filled you with an anger burgeoning towards wrath. That in itself makes you even more angry, because that isn’t who you were before and you can’t even fix it. But it’s really true that time heals all wounds.
Or to be more accurate, God and time heals all wounds. Time puts distance between you and the incident that caused your brokenness. It allows your mind the chance to come to terms with reality. As you’re thinking that you have to walk around the rest of your life in this broken state and begin to accept this, God very subtly starts to repair. You don’t even notice that pieces are returning to their original position, but stronger than they were before. The day you do notice, you stand in awe. While you were accepting the situation, God was teaching you forgiveness. While you tried to hide the scars, God healed them. While you were trying to be strong and endure, God showed you that you can let your burden down. You feel so light once you do let it go, and so happy. You are overjoyed that you didn’t lose who you were and that you were restored to a much better condition to who you were before. Even though when you think about what you had to endure to become this much better mach 4 version of yourself, you become saddened that you may not have had to go through some of it if you had listened in the first place. But the joy still remains because you weren’t destroyed.
I know there are some people that dislike it when I go religious on them. But what I have endured has made it impossible to keep God out of my story or my joy. Yes, I am logical. And anyone that wants to have logical debates with me can. I like logic, but wisdom has shown me that God is necessary. I won’t play down the fact that I did make some important decisions to assist but it was impossible for me to repair myself. I was literally damaged beyond my own repair.
I completely encourage anyone that is going through a period of brokenness to lean on God. If you don’t know how, it is so ok, because God sends people into your life to teach you so you can let it go. It was that way for me. It was people that helped me but I recognize that it was God that placed them in my life. Just remember that you are not alone.