It’s been here for a while and it is here to stay. I joined OKcupid out of curiosity Wednesday. I wouldn’t have joined if they let me tour the app without signing up so I signed up. It seems nice. They have some nice looking people on the site along with the type of people you would expect to use online dating. I have long wondered why people resort to online dating, especially those that you wouldn’t think to. I know why this started to appeal to me even though I was bored with it a day after I joined. And I think this is why it appeals to others as well.
Yes there are some socially awkward people that want another way of meeting people outside of meeting face to face. There are some people that are just looking for people to screw but their hunting skills are lack luster so despite how they look they still go on alone. But then there are people like me, the kind who want to date people completely outside of their circle so if or when it ends, you never have to deal with them again. Dating someone at work can be disastrous. The same goes for people that attend the same church and any other activities you do on a regular basis. When the relationship is over, chance are someone is going to have to find a new job, church, or place to have fun. Online let’s you meet people who wouldn’t come close to your world otherwise. So when you part, you don’t have to change your world either. They can completely disappear from your life.
This also depends on how close you bring your two world together while dating. If you were heading towards marriage, than your world is not going to be the same even if you keep the same routines. If it was just fun and dating, then parting is easy. Also, the ego boost a person can get just by being online is unreal. Why do you think online dating is here to stay? If you have tasted the Kool-aid, what is it’s appeal to you? Are you really online looking for a real connection that you can’t seem to make in person?
Today, I read something from a friend that made me cry. I am often accused of being tactless and saying thoughtless things by one of my loved ones. It hurts that this person thinks this way about me especially when they say that my words are hurtful and life damaging. It hurts because he only focuses on the pain my words brought him intead of thinking about the truth.
It throws me for a loop every time he brings it up because he really has no idea how careful I am of my words, especially with him. If he only knew all the things that would come out of my mouth if I was as thoughtless as he sees me. I don’t see how he doesn’t see me as mean and evil considering the fact that instant messaging is our main source of communication. Yes, sometimes people can say things without much fore thought but writing takes a bit more thought. I don’t know how it is possible for an educated person to write something without thinking about how it will be received.
All this made me think about a question I had early in my youth. Why doesn’t God speak verbally with people anymore? I though about the answer to that question again today. God’s words will always ring with truth and love. However, truth is painful and the pain often drowns out the love. Rather than continuing to speak truth that people will not receive positively and being unable to lie or overlook it, God chose to be silent.
I am starting to see that a period of silence is what’s going to happen in this friendship. I love this person but the place he is at is making him take everything I say as a personal attack. I will always be his friend and when truth can once again be spoken between us our friendship will resume as if there was no time apart. He will continue to be in my prayers the same way I will be in his.
I know exactly which of my words hurt you recently. I apologize for the pain but I stand by the truth of my words. I admit that my tone was very sharp but I have been trying softly for months to get you to step out of your comfort zone. I really don’t want you to make the same mistakes and in my effort to protect you from yourself, I am hurting you more. I realize now that you just aren’t ready. I can’t see the traps and pitfalls in your way, not warn you and still call myself your friend.
I have to admit that in this world of instant gratification most have lost the art of anticipation when it comes to dating. For most it just comes down to teasing. Teasing is a very dangerous game though. A game that can end up horribly for women when they tease the wrong person. I am talking about the build up of excitement that you get when you know something is going to happen, but you don’t know when, where, or how. This is something that we should try to add to our relationships. When I say we, I mean women. Women need to learn to let men lead us and realize that anticipation is a good thing.
Anticipation is much more effective and healthier in a relationship than teasing. Teasing causes a constant roller-coaster of hope and disappointment. That constant dangling of the carrot that is just out of reach is frustrating. No one will put up with that. Either give it to me or don’t. That’s the bottom line. However anticipation comes from an understanding of each other without any verbal confirmation.
It’s like being alone in the room with the person you’re attracted to all while knowing that he’s attracted to you just as much. Neither of you have talked up sex or even the idea of getting physical with each other, but you know what each other are thinking. And yes, it’s going to happen. You don’t know when, how or if it will even be that night. You just know when all the conditions come together you will be swept away. And the anticipation of this is as thrilling as the actual event taking place. Not talking about it adds mystery to it, and with a little mystery you have romance. Teasing and anticipation goes way beyond the physical as well. (I do think teasing in a sexual way while in a healthy relationship is perfectly okay to add some spice)
Dating is a thrilling dance that teaches a woman to trust and rely on her partner to take the lead. I know that I can’t stand hesitation and indecision in a man. So when I see it in a man that I am attracted to, I find myself dangling that carrot in front of him to lead him where I need him to go. It’s just that once, he starts feeling confident and wants to take the lead, the chances of me letting him do so are low because he has already let me build the habit of being in charge.
So how about us single gals and pals try something when we start dating again. Gals, I want you to let the anticipation build. Stand back and let him take the lead. Watch how he handles situations. Give encouragement and if asked give and opinion that if helpful without making him lazy. Pals, take the lead in a gentlemanly way that garners trust. when it comes to dates, make a plan and follow through. Make a decision about something. We know you want to take us into consideration, but women are trying to see your leadership capabilities. You can’t be the head of their life if they feel like they are making all the choices. you are just a partner then that will be left when a more powerful man appears.
I went to my school’s homecoming this pass weekend. The homecoming events were more than lacking. But the parties I attended were hot. So Friday night as the liquor started to affect this lightweight, my rear end bumped into a guy as I got up from my table. He used this incident to introduce himself. It was cute. We chatted for a bit then he asked me to dance. Now even though I was concerned about my tipsy status. I still said yes.
He lead me out on the floor and we started to dance. Now I must admit that since most guys seem to only come to the club to stand around a drink, I am used to dancing with other women. And being the Fred Astair/Gregory Hines protégé that I am, I usually take the lead when stepping with other women. This guy was not having any of that. He said quite respectfully, “you’re going to have to let me lead.” I was impressed and decided to see what he could do. Well, I will tell you. He spun me and dipped me! Yes, ladies and gents. He dipped me.
That is a big thing because only the most confident dancers will attempt a dip with a new partner. Needless to say. He was able to walk away with my number that night. So guys if you’re hunting in the club scene, dance with your prey. Your work becomes that much easier.