I went to my school’s homecoming this pass weekend. The homecoming events were more than lacking. But the parties I attended were hot. So Friday night as the liquor started to affect this lightweight, my rear end bumped into a guy as I got up from my table. He used this incident to introduce himself. It was cute. We chatted for a bit then he asked me to dance. Now even though I was concerned about my tipsy status. I still said yes.
He lead me out on the floor and we started to dance. Now I must admit that since most guys seem to only come to the club to stand around a drink, I am used to dancing with other women. And being the Fred Astair/Gregory Hines protégé that I am, I usually take the lead when stepping with other women. This guy was not having any of that. He said quite respectfully, “you’re going to have to let me lead.” I was impressed and decided to see what he could do. Well, I will tell you. He spun me and dipped me! Yes, ladies and gents. He dipped me.
That is a big thing because only the most confident dancers will attempt a dip with a new partner. Needless to say. He was able to walk away with my number that night. So guys if you’re hunting in the club scene, dance with your prey. Your work becomes that much easier.
Have you ever looked at someone and just knew that if only they would do the things you needed and asked for, your life together would be perfect. That if only they would recognize all the things you are willing to do for them and hope they would reciprocate? Love is doing those things. When you understand that it’s truly about pleasing the other person that’s when you begin to love.
We can go on all day about what isn’t love. We know from the first glance when something isn’t love. But we have to search deeper to see what Love is. There’s a reason why you can’t say you Love someone without having done something to show it. That’s because love is about action. Yes, plenty of people have abused this knowledge to the point where people are afraid to act out of love but it is necessary.
We are not mind readers, we only have what a person says and does to determine how they feel about us. The wisest people I know will always look to the actions before they believe a person’s words. This is why it is important to know a person’s love language so you can speak to them in the way that touches them most.
We can’t be self centered in love. Being self centered makes it impossible to see the needs of the other person. This leads us to doing only those things which we would do for oursleves. And although those things will make them feel special, it won’t make them feel loved if that’s not what they want. Then you will find yourself sitting alone asking “What more do they want from me?”, over something as simple as holding their hand as you walk down the street.
It’s simple things like these that we overlook and bypass in making grand gestures to show how much we care. Looking from the eyes of a person that wants the simple intimacy, how would it look to them when you keep denying them something that simple? Even with all those grand gestures, you still failed to give them what they truly wanted. Something that seems so easy when compared to the other stuff. So it shouldn’t be surprising when they say they don’t feel like you love them. In all honesty, you haven’t done anything to make them feel loved, have you?
So with this, I ask readers to observe their partners. Truly get to know them. Only by knowing them can you know how to please them. It’s really that simple.
Everyone has it. A song that transports them back to a time in their life that is over and thoughts of a person they could never be with. For me that song is Alecia Keys’ “No One.” It makes me think of a person that for a time I seriously thought could be my husband. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. Other people ask how do I know when we never even dated. I was curious about that for a while. Thinking of “what if” scenarios that ended with him and I blissfully wed. But life has taught me something. There are no “what if’s” in life. We make decisions and act accordingly to who we are at that moment. Our entire history would have to be rewritten in order for us to act differently.
So I accepted that although I cared and he cared, it wasn’t the care that would end with “I do.” And because we didn’t do anything to taint the memories, I can always look back fondly on those moments we had together. Harmonizing to “No one” and trying to maintain the facade of friendship when there was something more potent brewing between us. I must admit that it is an amazing thing that we didn’t cave under our attraction to each and cross the line. It was so obvious to anyone that saw us together, what was there. But that was who we both were in that moment, two individuals too afraid to risk anything and possibly missed out on something great. However, I do believe that there is something greater in store for me.
More than the sex and constant companionship there is a reason that I really need a man. That reason is physical labor. Not saying he would just be a servant for heavy lifting but that’s why I need a man in my life.
I am laying here in my bed covered practically head to toe in medicated icy hot pads. Then I think to myself that it would be really nice to have man that would jump at the chance to massage my sore and aching body.
Better yet, he could be the one doing all the physical stuff that leaves my body aching. Stuff like taking out the trash. Moving the furniture around so I can clean. Reaching the high spots so I won’t fall off the stool and hurt myself. Opening that stubborn jar that is determined to give me carpal tunnel. Then we can take turns giving each other massages. As long as I come first on days I teach my dance class.
Following up from my last post about my friend being told that she only attracted two types of people. Those two types were other women and men that only wanted to screw her. Worst part is that this came from a man that she was screwing. I couldn’t really console her. How do you deal with being told that as a woman you are not marriage material? That men will only want to screw you and run? I was of no help but I let her vent.
I was happy that she cut off contact from this person without even being told. I would definitely have something to say if the conversation hadn’t immediately ended at that point. She told me of how he text her sporadically throughout the weekend before finally calling her yesterday asking if she was avoiding him. I don’t know how much more of a clue you need when a person you are sleeping with doesn’t respond to your texts and calls. Seems pretty obvious to everyone else in the world that those are the signs of trouble brewing. At some point the other night he apparently had an epiphany and realized he had to do some damage control. Meaning she woke up to a whole lot of text messages yesterday morning.
These texts were what should have been said in the beginning but weren’t. Unfortunately for him, they came too late. If he had said this when she first asked the question maybe the statements he made might have been forgiven. Probably not. Those statements caused her to lose respect for him. It’s almost impossible for a man to come back from that.
Once again I don’t understand his M.O.. Does he really think he can cause the illness and be it’s cure? Not very likely. Is this a sloppy attempt to patch things up so he can keep getting in her pants? I don’t think he realizes that he has already gone way past too far. My friend talks a lot when she is around the few people she is comfortable with. Her circle is very tiny so when she lets you in, you get way more than you expected. She is also not as emotional as she comes across. The one sure way to know that you have highly upset her is when she stops talking. If she isn’t even up for a friendly debate with you means that she know longer sees you as a person that should be privy to her thoughts and she has closed her world off. Sucks but that’s her personality. She doesn’t end things with a big fight like most. She just stops communicating. Hard to do damage control on this situation. Don’t even know where the lesson is in this. Hopefully I can think of one soon
I know logically that the decline in marriage and the rise in divorce has put plenty of old women that should be settled in life on the dating market. But it seems the trend for these women now is to date younger men. I know that a part of me is saying let them live their life however they want. The dominant side of me says, hell no. Their lifestyle is having as much of an impact on my life as the guy who decides to get behind the wheel after too many drinks. Don’t I have enough to compete with already? Other women, slightly younger women, men and now women old enough to be the guy they are dating mother. It’s enough to make me want to shave my head and become a monk.
I am going to have to tell these women how they are impacting the young single women. First thing’s first. You have already lived your life seriously so now you want something light and without longevity or responsibility. You get these boys to entertain you in your old age making them think this is how a relationship should be, one without a future or responsibility. Cause that’s exactly what it is. The chances of you having kids are slim, you’ve probably done that already. Marriage? You’ve done that too. Growing old together? We all know that’s not happening. So when they try to date younger women again, it’s impossible for them to reconcile with the expectations that a younger woman has. You weren’t trying to build your life, a younger woman is.
Secondly, why aren’t you playing around with men your own age? Truth is, this is a power play. With younger guys, you’re in control, the aggressor. Older men know the game and won’t be played with. You’ll end up getting played. And you won’t have that. You want to lead the boy around by his nose until you’re bored and trade in for a newer model.
Lastly, responding to a comment from a cougar on “The New Ricki Lake Show” you don’t want to raise a grown man that is your own age. The fact that you would rather deal with a younger man that doesn’t have his life together is just as silly. You are still dealing with grown men that wants “momma” to take care of him and you’re the stupid that lined up for it in exchange for some dick. How about examine why you are so attracted to these “men” that don’t have it together?
And where does this leave me in this world full of cougars? With the dating market flooded with guys that don’t want marriage, kids and wants to be taken care of by a woman. Women need to accept responsibility in this world we helped create. If more women wouldn’t accept anything less than a MAN, there would be more MEN in the world.
A conversation with my sister has caused this series of venting on men and breaking up. Well to be more exact it was a song. The song “8675309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone in fact. My sister asks me if that if I ever want to do something to get revenge on my first boyfriend by writing his name and number in a stall. I had to say nope. My first boyfriend wasn’t perfect but my feelings for him weren’t so deep that I wanted to do that. My last boyfriend however is a different story. In fact, I wanted to do that and more. Way more. I was in a rage over the fact that while it felt like the world had crumbled beneath my feet, he was somewhere living happily and sleeping in peace. I don’t know how healthy it was but it sure helped me mentally to have “make him pay” fantasies. Fantasies that would leave my mark on him. Purely for entertainment I will share a few of those fantasies with you.
1. I would go into a homosexual bar for men and leave his phone number in the men’s bathroom saying “For sex, Call Lex.” This one was funny and comical to me. It made me laugh several times of how he would react.
2. I would hand out flyers saying he had some incurable STD. It didn’t matter which. Just something that would make women run far away from him at first glance. But something like that is easily proven when wanted.
3. Let me warn you. This one was from when I was at my angriest and most spiteful moment. I wanted to not make him pay. I literally wanted to destroy him when I thought of this one. I would make up handbills saying he was a pedophile and distribute them to all the schools in the city that he lived in. Fucked up isn’t it. Well I won’t give any excuses for my thoughts. It made me feel better.
I don’t even know why human hearts want vengeance when someone has wronged us but that’s often the first place our minds go when someone has hurt us deeply. We want to pay them back tenfold. Even though us church going Christians hear all the time that Vengeance is the Lord’s, it just seems like the vengeance is fast and swift enough or severe enough. But thank God for forgiveness. I was able to move on once I forgave myself for giving my heart to someone that was so unworthy of it. Do you have any “Make ’em pay” fantasies?