No profound epiphanies…

I have three blogs. The blog on wordpress is where I share my “profound”, sometimes controversial,  thoughts. I have been too busy with my pink Love bubble that I have not really cared to bother my brain power with the vicissitudes of life. So check out my insanity blog on tumblr that is filled with total randomness and fun. A bunch of disney, cosplay, fashion, etc. Check my limited loyals later. Much love.

I’d rather you say “no”

I’d rather you say “no”
Than to hear cursed complaints
Dripping from yours lips.

I didn’t want to ask,
I needed to. But you
Didn’t have to say “yes.”

Just because I needed,
Didn’t obligate you to do
What you truly didn’t want to.

Every word uttered afterwords
Shows your unwilling heart,
Making me feel worse than I did
For being in need in the first place.

I’d rather you say “no.”
Trust that you aren’t the
Only one that can aide me.

Trust that I would be grateful,
Elated even, that you said so
Than for me to be on the recieving
End of your begrudging help.

I’d rather you say “no”
And not harden my heart
Against you by your grousing.

I’d rather you say “no”
And leave the chance for the one
That can say and truly mean “Yes”

Just know that no matter
If you say no or give your
unwilling help, I won’t be asking
You for help ever again.

And hope that you are never in
Need yourself. Others will
Likely be as willing to help
You as you were to help them.

Online Dating

It’s been here for a while and it is here to stay. I joined OKcupid out of curiosity Wednesday. I wouldn’t have joined if they let me tour the app without signing up so I signed up. It seems nice. They have some nice looking people on the site along with the type of people you would expect to use online dating. I have long wondered why people resort to online dating, especially those that you wouldn’t think to. I know why this started to appeal to me even though I was bored with it a day after I joined. And I think this is why it appeals to others as well. 

Yes there are some socially awkward people that want another way of meeting people outside of meeting face to face. There are some people that are just looking for people to screw but their hunting skills are lack luster so despite how they look they still go on alone. But then there are people like me, the kind who want to date people completely outside of their circle so if or when it ends, you never have to deal with them again. Dating someone at work can be disastrous. The same goes for people that attend the same church and any other activities you do on a regular basis. When the relationship is over, chance are someone is going to have to find a new job, church, or place to have fun. Online let’s you meet people who wouldn’t come close to your world otherwise. So when you part, you don’t have to change your world either. They can completely disappear from your life.

This also depends on how close you bring your two world together while dating. If you were heading towards marriage, than your world is not going to be the same even if you keep the same routines. If it was just fun and dating, then parting is easy. Also, the ego boost a person can get just by being online is unreal. Why do you think online dating is here to stay? If you have tasted the Kool-aid, what is it’s appeal to you? Are you really online looking for a real connection that you can’t seem to make in person?

God’s Silence

Today, I read something from a friend that made me cry. I am often accused of being tactless and saying thoughtless things by one of my loved ones. It hurts that this person thinks this way about me especially when they say that my words are hurtful and life damaging. It hurts because he only focuses on the pain my words brought him intead of thinking about the truth.

It throws me for a loop every time he brings it up because he really has no idea how careful I am of my words, especially with him. If he only knew all the things that would come out of my mouth if I was as thoughtless as he sees me. I don’t see how he doesn’t see me as mean and evil considering the fact that instant messaging is our main source of communication. Yes, sometimes people can say things without much fore thought but writing takes a bit more thought. I don’t know how it is possible for an educated person to write something without thinking about how it will be received. 

All this made me think about a question I had early in my youth. Why doesn’t God speak verbally with people anymore? I though about the answer to that question again today. God’s words will always ring with truth and love. However, truth is painful and the pain often drowns out the love. Rather than continuing to speak truth that people will not receive positively and being unable to lie or overlook it, God chose to be silent.

I am starting to see that a period of silence is what’s going to happen in this friendship. I love this person but the place he is at is making him take everything I say as a personal attack. I will always be his friend and when truth can once again be spoken between us our friendship will resume as if there was no time apart. He will continue to be in my prayers the same way I will be in his.

P.S.
I know exactly which of my words hurt you recently. I apologize for the pain but I stand by the truth of my words. I admit that my tone was very sharp but I have been trying softly for months to get you to step out of your comfort zone. I really don’t want you to make the same mistakes and in my effort to protect you from yourself, I am hurting you more. I realize now that you just aren’t ready. I can’t see the traps and pitfalls in your way, not warn you and still call myself your friend.

Anticipation

I have to admit that in this world of instant gratification most have lost the art of anticipation when it comes to dating. For most it just comes down to teasing. Teasing is a very dangerous game though. A game that can end up horribly for women when they tease the wrong person. I am talking about the build up of excitement that you get when you know something is going to happen, but you don’t know when, where, or how. This is something that we should try to add to our relationships. When I say we, I mean women. Women need to learn to let men lead us and realize that anticipation is a good thing.

Anticipation is much more effective and healthier in a relationship than teasing. Teasing causes a constant roller-coaster of hope and disappointment. That constant dangling of the carrot that is just out of reach is frustrating. No one will put up with that. Either give it to me or don’t. That’s the bottom line. However anticipation comes from an understanding of each other without any verbal confirmation.

It’s like being alone in the room with the person you’re attracted to all while knowing that he’s attracted to you just as much. Neither of you have talked up sex or even the idea of getting physical with each other, but you know what each other are thinking. And yes, it’s going to happen. You don’t know when, how or if it will even be that night.  You just know when all the conditions come together you will be swept away. And the anticipation of this is as thrilling as the actual event taking place. Not talking about it adds mystery to it, and with a little mystery you have romance. Teasing and anticipation goes way beyond the physical as well. (I do think teasing in a sexual way while in a healthy relationship is perfectly okay to add some spice)

Dating is a thrilling dance that teaches a woman to trust and rely on her partner to take the lead.  I know that I can’t stand hesitation and indecision in a man. So when I see it in a man that I am attracted to, I find myself dangling that carrot in front of him to lead him where I need him to go. It’s just that once, he starts feeling confident and wants to take the lead, the chances of me letting him do so are low because he has already let me build the habit of being in charge.

So how about us single gals and pals try something when we start dating again. Gals, I want you to let the anticipation build. Stand back and let him take the lead. Watch how he handles situations. Give encouragement and if asked give and opinion that if helpful without making him lazy. Pals, take the lead in a gentlemanly way that garners trust. when it comes to dates, make a plan and follow through. Make a decision about something. We know you want to take us into consideration, but women are trying to see your leadership capabilities. You can’t be the head of their life if they feel like they are making all the choices. you are just a partner then that will be left when a more powerful man appears. 

 

I Do until I Don’t

I found out some news today that made me cry. A friend of mines is getting divorced. I can’t express how much I really was hoping that they would work things out. Even while knowing the improbability of that with them residing in two different states, I was hoping for a miracle. I was hoping that they would both come to their senses, realize the errors of their ways and reconcile. I can only imagine what they are going through now. After a few years of being together, they realize they want to spend the rest of their lives together and get married. After a few years of marriage, they realize that they don’t want to spend the rest of their lives together and get divorced. It doesn’t make sense to me. What did years of marriage reveal that years of courtship didn’t for them to change their minds? Having never been married, I have no personal experiences to compare the life of marriage to. However, I have dated a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I can compare the self awareness of their situation to mines, just that theirs came after saying “I do.”

It may be the writer in me that makes me very analytic, but throughout the course of my last relationship, I analysed everything. My best friend said I was being too analytical and I needed to go with the flow more. I am so glad I disregarded that advice. Going with the flow would have never made me ask the questions that I needed to ask of a man that I was considering spending the rest of my life with. Not just questions of him, but questions of myself. The best question that a person can ask themselves while considering marriage is “If this person never changes, could you spend the rest of your life with them?” 

Often times we find ourselves being attracted to a person’s potential. We do like the person they are, but the potential they have is an irresistible allure.  No one is perfect, but everyone has the potential to be close to someone’s ideal of perfection. The person that shows the most potential to grow into our ideal is usually the one we find our hearts settling on. The unfortunate part is that, a person needs to be willing to become what you want. No matter how much they care about you, if they are unwilling to be the person you need them to be, you won’t go very far.  

When I asked myself this question in my last relationship, I knew it was over. I had already invested years into it without much improvement. It always came back to the one thing that I needed that he was unwilling to give. This is why a journal comes in handy. Going back over how many times I was discontent about the same things showed that progress was not being made. I knew that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with this. Did it mean that I stopped loving him? No. It simply meant that I became aware that he would never be the person I needed. 

It’s not just about their character flaws. It’s also about the things that you need for them to do for you in order for you to feel loved. Affection and Love are two different emotions. Affection is much easier to communicate. It’s light and fresh. Doesn’t take much commitment to show it either. You show it as the mood hits you. Love? Not so easy. That’s why so many fail in showing it. It doesn’t matter what excuses a person gives you as to why they aren’t giving you what you need. The end result is still the same. You don’t feel loved. It’s obvious that a person should leave a loveless situation. I just wish the awareness of their situation happened before saying “I do.” Or maybe it did, but they both were trying to force the issue instead of moving on.