Online Dating

It’s been here for a while and it is here to stay. I joined OKcupid out of curiosity Wednesday. I wouldn’t have joined if they let me tour the app without signing up so I signed up. It seems nice. They have some nice looking people on the site along with the type of people you would expect to use online dating. I have long wondered why people resort to online dating, especially those that you wouldn’t think to. I know why this started to appeal to me even though I was bored with it a day after I joined. And I think this is why it appeals to others as well. 

Yes there are some socially awkward people that want another way of meeting people outside of meeting face to face. There are some people that are just looking for people to screw but their hunting skills are lack luster so despite how they look they still go on alone. But then there are people like me, the kind who want to date people completely outside of their circle so if or when it ends, you never have to deal with them again. Dating someone at work can be disastrous. The same goes for people that attend the same church and any other activities you do on a regular basis. When the relationship is over, chance are someone is going to have to find a new job, church, or place to have fun. Online let’s you meet people who wouldn’t come close to your world otherwise. So when you part, you don’t have to change your world either. They can completely disappear from your life.

This also depends on how close you bring your two world together while dating. If you were heading towards marriage, than your world is not going to be the same even if you keep the same routines. If it was just fun and dating, then parting is easy. Also, the ego boost a person can get just by being online is unreal. Why do you think online dating is here to stay? If you have tasted the Kool-aid, what is it’s appeal to you? Are you really online looking for a real connection that you can’t seem to make in person?

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Damage Control

Following up from my last post about my friend being told that she only attracted two types of people. Those two types were other women and men that only wanted to screw her. Worst part is that this came from a man that she was screwing. I couldn’t really console her. How do you deal with being told that as a woman you are not marriage material? That men will only want to screw you and run? I was of no help but I let her vent.

I was happy that she cut off contact from this person without even being told. I would definitely have something to say if the conversation hadn’t immediately ended at that point. She told me of how he text her sporadically throughout the weekend before finally calling her yesterday asking if she was avoiding him. I don’t know how much more of a clue you need when a person you are sleeping with doesn’t respond to your texts and calls. Seems pretty obvious to everyone else in the world that those are the signs of trouble brewing. At some point the other night he apparently had an epiphany and realized he had to do some damage control. Meaning she woke up to a whole lot of text messages yesterday morning.

These texts were what should have been said in the beginning but weren’t. Unfortunately for him, they came too late. If he had said this when she first asked the question maybe the statements he made might have been forgiven. Probably not. Those statements caused her to lose respect for him. It’s almost impossible for a man to come back from that.

Once again I don’t understand his M.O.. Does he really think he can cause the illness and be it’s cure? Not very likely. Is this a sloppy attempt to patch things up so he can keep getting in her pants? I don’t think he realizes that he has already gone way past too far. My friend talks a lot when she is around the few people she is comfortable with. Her circle is very tiny so when she lets you in, you get way more than you expected. She is also not as emotional as she comes across. The one sure way to know that you have highly upset her is when she stops talking. If she isn’t even up for a friendly debate with you means that she know longer sees you as a person that should be privy to her thoughts and she has closed her world off. Sucks but that’s her personality. She doesn’t end things with a big fight like most. She just stops communicating. Hard to do damage control on this situation. Don’t even know where the lesson is in this. Hopefully I can think of one soon

Addicted to Sexy

Men think about sex often. Studies have proven it. Studies have also proven that women think mostly about being alluring. We spend lots of time and money just to be sexy. Sometimes the thought extends to the bedroom, but most times that’s only when we are thinking about lingerie. The times women think about the actual act of sex pales in comparison to men. So I am going to give men some reasons to be more appreciative of how woman looks in clothes, not just out of them.

We get our beauty rest. We exercise to stay fit. We shop for hours looking for that perfect outfit to make ourselves irresistible.  We buy make up. We learn how to put on make up. We learn how to walk in high heels. We wear uncomfortable shoes so our look will be complete. We process, primp, burn and cut our hair for you.  We shave, I put this on the cleanliness list for myself but there are some women that only do it for men.

The amount of effort that women put into looking good for their men should be applauded and rewarded. That means show her off. Take her places that she can put to use all those clothes that she spent hours shopping around for. Give compliments. Say she looks nice if she looks nice. Tell her that she makes you look good. Show her that you are proud to have her on your arm.  That’s one of the things that women love most. A man that is proud of his woman.

Does your number matter?

I recently watched the movie, “What’s your number?” It was hilarious but it posed a very good question. Does you number really matter? I know when I was in college, that was definitely something I thought to be true, especially to men. Don’t get me wrong, there will always be people that are sticklers about the number of sexual partners you have had. They want you to be as pure as they imagine themselves to me. To them, I say get over it. There is only new and used. Doesn’t matter if it’s lightly used, you still are not the first person to open it and play with it. 

I get it. No one wants to feel like they are getting trash. And when so many others have seen fit to throw an item away, it begins to look like trash. No one wants to be the fool walking around town treating trash like treasure while everyone is laughing at them for treasuring trash. No one really believes the old adage that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. It’s just something to make people feel the value of things even when they no longer want it for themselves. 

But when women are thrown away after giving the most intimate and vulnerable part of ourselves to men, it’s quite easy to feel like trash. The more times that happens only intensifies that feeling. Men can only imagine how it feels because they are often the ones doing the f*cking and throwing away. Then they have the audacity to turn around and say that only a certain number of men should be able to do this to a woman before she is no longer worthy of them. Just think of this for a second. How many men will a woman have to sleep with to make her a hoe? Just one. It only takes one ass to treat her like nothing and make her feel like trash to turn her into a hoe. It becomes a mindset. A sense of worthlessness. A fear that stays with that woman. Tainting her and how she interacts with other men that enter her life. 

So does the number matter? It does when you use it as a way to determine your worth. Sadly, if that number ever goes beyond 1, your value will seriously depreciate. So you shouldn’t let it matter to you. There is only new and used in the world. Though the latter can get more specific. The used is broken into two more specified groups. Damaged and Restored.

When you start to let the numbers weigh on you and devalue you. You start to slip into the Damaged category. Simple as that. You’re damaged because you have let negativity invade you self perception. If you love and value yourself, no number, stereotype, misguided archetype or opinion will lessen you. However, when you accept and love yourself in spite of all else, it doesn’t matter that you are used because you see yourself as restored. If you’re like me and really feel yourself, you think of yourself as masterfully restored. The situations and people that played a hand in attempting to destroy you just add history, but in no way takes away from your value. You are a work of art that has endured and still maintains it’s beauty, color and courage.

A Real Man

I have noticed that women don’t know what real men look like anymore. Every man knows about women and their infernal list of qualities that their ideal man should possess. But how many women have held that list up against a real man and asked if it added up. Did their fantasy meet reality? Then a problem that is becoming so prevalent in the black community is the women want to be in control.

They say they want a real man. But then when they start to talk about what is a real man in their eyes, they have totally emasculated the man. A man that will let her wear whatever she wants. A man that doesn’t care what time she comes home on the weekend. A man that won’t have a problem with money going to a secret account. A man that will do what I say. What real man is going to sign up for a women to take away his manhood? As a woman, has it ever occurred to you that if you get a man with no balls (the one you keep describing), you probably wouldn’t want him anyway?

I think it would better serve both sexes, that instead of describing in your head what the ideal should be. How about you figure out what your role in the relationship should be? It would stop a lot of fights before they even have the chance to start because you each know your roles and acting accordingly. You let each other operate in their domain with little crossover so there won’t be a chance for you to butt heads. 

Where are the hunters?

I have done my research on men and I am beginning to understand them better. But my one main question is how to meet men? I have been told by “The Retired Player” to stay away from men’s hunting grounds. Places like the clubs are where men go to hunt women to screw, not to marry. But as often a man seems to think about sex, are there any settings where a man will see an attractive woman and not instantly let their mind travel to the bed?

I know what I look like. I know how to dress. And it doesn’t seem to matter what I am wearing or where I am when a man meets me. If I allow myself to be screwed then screwed I will be. Men try me, just as they try any other attractive woman. It’s up to and has always been up to the woman to set the standard. 

My one bone of contention with boys masquerading as men is how come they never approach me when I am looking my finest. I get dressed up, looking like a million and not one single guy will approach me. I see them looking, I smile at them, but not one gets up the nerve to come talk to me. I have been told since high school that I looked intimidating and mysterious. That excuse flew back then with high school boys. But now you’ve grown up, gotten a degree or two and still can’t find the muster of confidence to approach a woman that looks unapproachable. The unbelievable part is that when I am looking basic, just casual cute, I am getting stopped left and right. What’s up with that?  Is it the case that so far the men have seen me are unwilling to hunt anything that looks too hard to catch? No one’s up for a challenge anymore? 

And now “The Retired Player” has told me that men are always hunting. So what part of the forest am I in that there are no hunter’s in sight? Don’t even have to worry about dodging a spear. Where are the hunters?